Geek Squad thinks you're stupid and they’re willing to charge you to prove it.

Now, perhaps it is not right to make fun of what Best Buy’s Geek Squad does. After all, there are still a lot of people out there that need help with the simpler things that come with the world of computers and gadgets. I will also take this opportunity to say that as a man who lives in the middle of technological nowhere, Best Buy does offer a good range of stuff at pretty decent prices. However, that doesn’t get them off the hook for a lot of the BS services Geek Squad tries to charge for that are so simple children can do them - and in many households they do.

Exhibit A: Over a year ago, Best Buy got the option to sell the iPhone 3G for standard Apple prices. However, Best Buy needed a way to get at your wallet somehow… what were they to do? How about force you to buy an unnecessary and expensive accessories pack ranging in price from $106-$234. They make you buy that and FOR FREE they’ll activate the phone and setup one e-mail address with it. Read the fine print.

Now, they’re REQUIRED to setup the phone for you and at an Apple store, the e-mail setup is a free courtesy- plus it’s very easy to sync an e-mail account with either an iPhone or iPod touch. So basically for at LEAST $104 you get services that are free elsewhere or easy to do yourself.

Exhibit B: Geek Squad will rip CDs to your computer for only $1 per disc. Ok, it’s not ten years ago. There’s no excuse for not knowing how to rip a CD to your computer. I ripped my entire CD collection to my Dell desktop during my first year of college back in 2002. And I was a technologically illiterate 18-year-old back then. However, I do remember it being an ordeal to upload the tracks and then rename them all. BUT, I was using a computer that is comparatively slow for today’s standards and I was using an ancient version of Windows Media Player to do it. So I decided to conduct a little experiment using today’s technology, the same technology Geek Squad is claiming is too hard for you, a moron, to use.

I found a stray CD and tossed it into the drive on my XPS while iTunes was open. iTunes immediately brought up a prompt asking if I would like to rip it. I clicked one… ONE… button and all 16 tracks were uploaded in 4 minutes. Actually, it may have been less than that because I got up and made a sandwich and when I came back, 4 minutes had elapsed and it was done. If you’re deciding to upload CDs, odds are you want to go digital for use with your MP3 player and that means, odds are, you have iTunes. Do not pay Best Buy for what will take you MAYBE a couple hours depending on the size of your CD library.

Exhibit C: Geek Squad will setup your PlayStation 3 at your home for just under half of what it cost you to buy the base hardware.

That’s right, for only $130, Best Buy will come to your home and plug in three wires, yellow, red and white. Or one wire if you have an HDMI television. But wait, I stand corrected. They will also download and install the latest firmware updates – you know, that thing that happens nearly automatically anyway. And they’ll also setup parental controls and one online gaming account . So they’ll basically follow the on-screen prompts like you would do yourself.A PlayStation 3 costs $300 by the way.

Now, there’s a lot more deranged things Best Buy will try to charge you for so I’ll go quickly through them. For anywhere from $15 to $130 they will show you how to use your MP3 player and/or Bluetooth headset in your car. For anywhere from $50 to $70 they will show you how to use e-mail. Yeah, that’s reasonable. And what do they mean by “connect an existing, active e-mail account to computer”? Are they going to show you how to open an internet browser and go to Google, Yahoo!, Hotmail or AOL or something? Who do they think will fall for that “service”? My grandmother? Ha Ha! Trick question! My grandmother doesn’t even know what a “Best Buy” is! Last but certainly not least is this little gem. For $150 PER HOUR they will come to your house and show you how to do things like use the internet, give you a run down on “digital photo, digital video, digital music”, give you a brief tutorial on how to use your iPod or rip CDs (no word if you have to send them $1 every time you do it on your own).

The best part is they make a point at the bottom to say “Training Services EXCLUDES teaching how to remove viruses or spyware and any other proprietary Geek Squad information.” Basically, they don’t want you to be too independent, because then you wouldn’t pay them shit tons of cash to have them do simple things. I hear the next service they’re going to offer includes hitting you on the head with a ball peen hammer until you forget how to tie your shoes and then they charge you $75 to come into your home and tie them for you. That’s $75 PER SHOE TYING by the way. How to tie your shoes is proprietary Geek Squad information after all.

So technologically impaired people out there (like my Dad who still insists I can melt a hard drive by using a music downloading service) I encourage you all to find some 19-year-old kid on your street - or better yet your grandchild - and pay them $20 to teach you what you want to know. Also, don’t blame/assault the Geek Squad, they do do some good work for people that can’t do it themselves and I’m sure they don’t set the policy. The corporate fat cats do. So blame/assault them.