Everyone send an apology card to Bryan Singer

"Superman Returns" was not a great movie by any means but at least it didn't look like "The Hulk". It could have been a better movie but it was average for the superhero movies of the era. This was pre "The Dark Knight" after all.

But let's all thank our Lord and savior that Tim Burton's "Superman Lives" never saw the light of day. For those of you that are unfamiliar, back in the mid to late 90s, Kevin Smith was offered re-write work at Warner Brothers and found a copy of their new Superman script. After he finished bashing the hell out of it to numerous executives they let him write his own version. Here's how it went down in Smith's own words.



As he said, based on his treatment of the script Tim Burton signed on to direct and Nicholas Cage signed on to star. The movie fell apart and it's a good thing. THIS is what Cage would have looked like as the Man of Steel.

Words actually fail me. Max Payne actually looks good by comparison. Let's ignore the Eric Draven hair, the washed out look of the photo and the fact that Cage looks like he's higher than your average Phish fan on tour. That leaves the suit. WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THAT?!?! Is that really what the '90s were like? Would that have passed muster a decade ago? I thought I remembered the '90s pretty well and while there was a problem with neon in the beginning and flannel in the middle, I don't remember ever being in a mindset where that would have been acceptable.

Plus, I know it's just a wardrobe test photo but that is a really bad quality photo. To put it into perspective, this was a MAJOR STUDIO wardrobe test being done for what was hoped to be a blockbuster summer movie.

And this is what actor Thomas Jane PERSONALLY PAID FOR when he heard there might be a Johan Hex movie.


Need I say more?

Oh and in case you're wondering, a small snippet of Kevin Smith's draft did make it into "Superman Returns". It's the part where Superman flies Lois Lane into the stratosphere to tell her that he hears people calling out for help every day and it's hard not to be Superman. Apparently, Smith had set the scene on the top of Mt. Rushmore. and the dialog was very different. More about their personal relationship than his need to be a hero. You can check out all of Smith's script here.